I stumbled across this beautiful post yesterday! It seems that the theme in my life this week is defining what financial wealth, richness and abundance means to me.
When I was younger I told my mom I was going to be rich one day. My elementary school speech was me acting as a guide as I took my audience on a visual tour of my decorated mansion. Going to school for Fashion Communications in the big city of Toronto slowly hindered my inner reality and desire to be financially abundant. During first year I would have my mom talk me into continuing with the program.. "Mom..I feel so ignorant. I am here studying fashion (said in an attitude, eye rolling kinda way)...while there are kids in Africa that can't even afford clothing." "Nicole...you are allowed to educate yourself on what you enjoy. Just because you are studying fashion and immersed in a specific culture...doesn't mean you can't turn around and do good for the world with your education (fashion fundraisers, missions trips, coaching, etc..). Everyone soul picks their journey and lessons...those kids souls called in their life...and just because yours looks different doesn't mean you have to play small." After moving to BC I struggled with spirituality and money...Is someone more spiritual and enlightened if they have less materialistic things? If we have desires and wants (like fun Converse shoes, the home decor in the local furniture store window...) does this mean we are ruled by our ego? If we hold a sense of attachment to these things, does this means we need to attend a yoga retreat and meditate on why we want that chocolate bar SO badly and if we can't just have self-discipline and one nibble then we need to check-in and process why? My Psychosomatic teacher was the guiding light that invited me to understand that money is an extension of love. It's like our inner well of self-worth. "Nicole...you want as much money as you can get..The more money you have...the more people you can empower." Well SHIT!! Now someone is talking my language...When I am financially rich..I will open up my healing centre..invite women with all bank account sizes to come, connect, grow and heal. Offer natural healing tools to them so they can heal from sexual abuse, addiction, co-dependency, body abuse...... Few years after my training here I am feeling RICH as fuck and abundant. I have a beautiful home that works for me right now, a kitty that makes my heart melt, parents that back me up 100%, friends and family that I can cry and laugh with, clothes that inspire me and a store/business that is growing. To me...being financially well off AND live as woman that resembles depth, rawness, conscious emotions, inspiration and empowerment is what true balanced abundance looks like. I am creating a life where people can look through the window....and see a room full of love, laughter, play, tears, raw emotion, depth, and really nice home decor. Who said we can't have it all? Enjoy it all? While still living aware and consciously with GRATITUDE.
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I was talking to someone the other day about how much personal growth can take place in such a little amount of time..because we change and evolve so much as souls.
If I were to look back at February Nicole to July Nicole...I couldn't even describe the depths within myself that I have reached. Spending time on me and NOT SETTLING has been one the most rewarding experiences in my life. My life hasn't been easy...opening up to a loving, intimate, relationship has been the hardest thing for me...after experiencing sexual abuse at such a young age. And although I have come a long way...I have to stay disciplined and conscious in what arises for me each moment in the present. I am learning to lovingly give space for what my wounded child, wild warrior woman and sensitive intuitive heart want to express. My challenge this week was being able to do this without feeling like I needed to apologize or say "I am sorry".. To show up and say: "this is me...I am still a little messy" "love me or move on" I have realized that one of the most healing experiences is just accepting and allowing what comes up (thoughts, emotions, etc..) without judgement or control. The moment I attempt to control (stay in my head) is when a sense of fighting takes place. So I hereby declare that (and pretty much live this anyways)...but what you see is what you get. I may be fun and goofy one minute, and the next feel the pain of the world in my healers heart. My mind may be focused and 27 but when my pain body is triggered that confused 7 year old may take the stage. And guess what.. OH FUCKEN WELL!! I am learning to love it all. All of me..EXACTLY the way I am in this moment..or the next. And this week I release the need to feel like I have to have it all together all the time. Or apologize for the way I am showing up. I am fully aware that I can show up and be a wild woman entrepreneur, leader, friend...but let me be real with myself...being in my intimate relationship is hard. The abuse ingrained my psyche and heart with some deep shit..and I am giving myself the permission to just be the way I am..right now...and right now I am learning to open my heart and stay present. And not in a 'Oh that is a cute kid" or "wow what a beautiful flower" kind of open heart. I mean in a full fucken blown no more cracks, all concrete has been smashed, dissolved, swept and holy shit I need sunglasses because..Nicole your heart light is shining so bright...kinda heart opening <3 It's scary, it hurts, someday I don't see the light at the end of he tunnel..but fuck I am committed to myself. Care to join me? ... |