Why the Soul Style? Why fashion? Why do I believe fashion heals? And how do I utilize fashion as a healing modality??
These are all really great questions when it comes to identifying why I, Nicole McKay...am a Soul Stylist. In this writing I will reveal the real raw truth about how fashion saved my life and why I continue to come back to it as my source of joy and passion Playing dress up... It all started over a decade ago when I was about 13 years old. I had just outed to my family that I had memories of being apart of ritualistic incest. The memories were sparse but the body trauma was real. I recall sitting on my bed telling my mom about what I could see...as if my red Polaroid toy that clicked and revealed a new image was in my head. Click new image of abuse. Click new image. click... ...click. My memories were very much repressed and suppressed. Some of them still hidden in my sub-conscious mind for my safety. The images that I see (which is very popular for those who have experienced trauma) are short circuited and clips with missing data. How does fashion come into play...you may ask? Well... When I was younger going over to my grandparents house for family holidays, I felt like I was able to control how my abuser (grandfather) saw me based on what I wore (my fashion). I would obsess about what to wear prior to visits...making sure my newly developing feminine body was concealed and safe from his eyes. The anxiety that filled my body would be very high, as I tried on all the jeans in my dresser to pick out the least accentuating ones. The last thing I wanted to do was provoke...so I would pack three or so pairs in the car trunk just to be on the safe side. I remember feeling like my system had gained up on me. Like the actions of the men that sexually abused me forced me to re-think and question my motives and intentions. Now a young child forced to understand the realness of this adult world... This questioning caused me to develop severe OCD Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I had to prove to myself that no part of me wanted or enjoyed the abuse by washing, checking, washing, changing, washing, etc.. I had learned to distrust myself and my mind, I had to re-gain control in every way I knew how in order to erase the time others controlled me and I was powerless to their actions. As I type this at 28 years of age in a state of awaking and emerging into my healing journey in a way that feels so debilitating and foreign...I must only trust. My friendship with fashion saved my life. In a time where everything in my life seems unknown...I look back at the two things I was always gut clear, 100% certain about: 1. It was my mission to heal from the incest. I was not going to pretend the pain and effects weren't there. I had to heal this from a young age on wards so it didn't end up surfacing in my fifties causing me to be divorced, projecting this pain onto my kids (yes that is what I thought when I was a teenager). My soul purpose has to do with sexual abuse awareness and how to naturally navigate the healing journey that comes along with being a sexual abuse survivor. I wanted to save all the women in my group therapy sessions. 2. I was going to go to Ryerson University to study Fashion Communications. Fashion Heals... When I moved from my small town to Toronto, Ontario...not only was I immersed in a fashion culture so unfamiliar to that of small town country living...I was open to many..many sexual abuse healing support groups and OCD therapy sessions. I was able to experience ALL the city had to offer me...and I did just that. I attended university full time, attempted to resemble that of a normal emerging young adult AND signed up for ALL the support I could get to heal from my childhood trauma and the (at the time) very real and paralyzing effects of OCD. Soon I found myself questioning my choices regarding the study of fashion. My sensitive, empathetic soul (the one that saw the real capabilities and pain found in this world) couldn't come to peace with the history of fashion, sweat shop factories (the empowerment and abuse women faced just to make us greedy westerners clothes), and the way women engaged with each other in (and outside of) the industry. I felt like a black sheep. The decision to stay in school led me to pursing my out of school passion in the metaphysical healing world. I had sourced out many healing modalities that didn't result in pill popping and band-aiding the pain. Art Therapy Meditation Crystals Sound Therapy Energy Healing Talk Therapy and...the creative pursuit of retail therapy and second hand shopping. Healing became my main focus...and I wanted to so desperately feel what it was like to live a life without the shadow of sexual abuse ruling over me....So... I decided to 'travel' to British Columbia. This developed into the second chapter of my life. What I thought was going to be a joyous break from my 'previous life'...jump started me into something totally different than I imagined. I connected to the healing lands, Native American culture and healing practices, crystals...EVERYTHING that I 'in the closet' enjoyed in Toronto was the norm here in the west coast. I could EXPLORE. Christopher Columbus sailed the seas in a boat called...'Ignorance is Bliss' Yep! I have explored and educated myself so much that I have found myself in a place of depression. Questioning all that my little naive 23 year old believed to be true when she packed those bags and headed out west. I had even questioned and altered my relationship with fashion. As I found myself exploring the spiritual world and that of the hippie lifestyle that's so popular out this way...my fashion related much to my stages of exploration. Coming out here newly citified...slowly changing my style from leather pants and suede heals (I learned quickly that suede heels and the BC wetcoast weather don't mix) to dare I say...yoga pants, rags, cotton tops, torn clothes, braided head bands, large crystal necklaces and unshaven naturally divine (maybe?) body hair. I was now questioning my relationship to fashion and feeling into the brainwashed consumer culture we live in today. This awareness, along with my previous sweatshop factory disgust...created a disconnect between me and my love for fashion. I felt guilty..once again enjoying fashion as my main passion in life. But then it happened (wow the next thought just brought tears to my eyes). While embracing the hippie, free-spirited, yet fashionably fierce island of Salt Spring Island...I found Transitions (the name of the store so fitting). Transitions is a second hand store that not only supports conscious consumerism but...drum roll please...supports women transitioning from unhealthy relationships while reclaiming their right to a life without physical and sexual abuse. It hit me. There were and ARE ways for me to enjoy fashion WHILE contributing in a positive way to the greater whole. I could support other sexual abuse survivors while engaging in my joys of fashion. And that's how the cookie crumbled... The Soul Style was birthed. And although many other side lessons around entrepreneurship, retail owning, financial abundance, tiny home/sustainable living and continual sexual abuse healing occurred..I sit here today on February 16, 2017 in Gene Cafe on Main Street in Vancouver, British Columbia ready to release the past and step into my power as a Soul Stylist...sharing many more tips, tricks, services and products for you to read, wear, enjoy, buy and empower others with. Because...fashion heals. Peace + Love Nik
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